Yellowcard, night (by Nicole Zeno) [Sing For Me video shoot - behind the scenes]
it’s been years since i’ve done one of these properly.
my life doesn’t have much meaning and i’m a fucking mess. my name’s megan and i’m a university student in canada’s capital. i’m from the east coast and i miss the ocean like an ache but this is my home now. apparently i’m isfj but every time i take the test i think i get a different answer. i love traveling, tv shows, and live music. i’d rather be cuddled up in bed watching netflix than out getting wasted and dropping m.
please note before following me: i don’t like coming outright and saying it, but if you’re going to follow me please be aware that i have been diagnosed with major depression disorder, and i also have anxiety/panic attacks, and have schizophreniz/schizoaffective history. i post a lot about what’s going on in my life and my mind, so i just want to let you know, in case that’s triggering for you. if there’s anything i can tag, let me know! right now i tag the things that i know are triggering to me or could be triggering to others, as well as the “obvious” ones like if i’m posting about my life, i’m going to tag it. if i follow you, could you please tag: suicide, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts (i have suicid* blacklisted so it’ll block anything beginning with it), rape, sexual assault, and self harm. if there’s anything that you’d like me to tag, i definitely will! send me an ask (on or off anon, doesn’t matter to me). right now i tag the triggers i just mentioned, plus the obvious ones like depression, anxiety, blood, gore, and epilepsy warnings/flashing gifs. i haven’t had anyone in my inbox asking me to tag anything, so i don’t tag a lot, but if you want me to start tagging something i definitely can!
if you really wanna know anything about me, you can go through my personal tags, which are the following: all of my personal posts, photos that have my face in them, the gpoy / same / literally tags, i hate dylan o’brien, the best weekend of my life, yc: frozen tundra tour edition, holly wood died feels, this hurts just a little too hard. (warning: may be triggering), spilled ink (my writing i guess but don’t take it as anything this tag is just mainly for me) and my year(s) in review.
i’m really not that interesting. (illscarlett’s “nothing special” plays in the distance)
places i’ve been:
i want to go to so many more.
"i’m fine. yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen. i’m 147lbs of pale skin and fragile bone; sarcasm is my only defence. we weren’t important, we were no one. no one at all. maybe i should just be no one again."
i used be okay. kind of. then i wasn’t, despite how happy i look in my photo. that’s where i am now - nothing more than the shows i watch, the places i’ve been, and the bands i listen to. nothing special.
"so now tell me how your story goes. have you ever suffered? if so, did you get better or have you never quite recovered from it? did you find your lover laying in your bedroom with another and then did you let it hover over you and everything else well after the fact? show me all your bruises. i know everybody wears them. they broadcast the pain-how you hurt, how you reacted. i’m not sure if i’m ready yet to find out the hard way how strong i am. what i’m made of. i’m not sure if i’m ready yet to walk through the fire. i’m not sure i can handle it. do you think if the heart keeps on shrinking one day there will be no heart at all? and how long does it take? am i better off just bursting or breaking? because i don’t see my heart getting strong. tell your stories to me. show your bruises. let’s see what humanity is capable of handling. tell me what your worst fears are. i bet they look a lot like mine. tell me what you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night. tell me that you’re struggling. tell me that you’re scared. no, tell me that you’re terrified of life. tell me that it’s difficult to not think of death sometimes. tell me how you lost. tell me how he left. tell me how she left. tell me how you lost everything that you had. tell me that it ain’t ever coming back." - la dispute
i’m sick and tired of everybody thinking they know what’s best for me. i’m past the point of breaking and i’m not sure if i’m going to make it. - illscarlett